We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
