I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
