i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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