New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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