Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
