all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
