Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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