Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
