people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
