How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
