I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You ruined the universe
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
soo... how was my night?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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