Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
