I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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