Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
