if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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