Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
