So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
