I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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