I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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