I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
