If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
