Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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