im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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