whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
