DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
