Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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