Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
