i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
