he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
