This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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