I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
