I think i peed on brittanys purse
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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