they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
third nipple confirmed
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
