I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
