We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
