I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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