so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
