I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
