so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
