Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This house was built for laser tag.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
