So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
