thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
