If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
