i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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