i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
