I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
