I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Quick, to the slutcave!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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