I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
