Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
