I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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