she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
